The true fellowship
by Tigerlily Gamgee
Summary: Yay! it's back up on my pn! thanx lara for letting me use yours! anyway, it's a story of the war of the ring, everything's going wrong. Rated R for some content and language. R/R
1. Where am I?

All was quiet in the house when he awoke suddenly from his nightmare. "Damn it Elijah! You have to stop doing this to yourself!" Elijah Wood said.  
  
Ever since the filming of Lord of the Rings, he had been having nightmares about dwarfs and wizards. "It's over! You have to remember that! No more Gimli or Gandalf! Finally! But I sure do miss my faithful servant Sam, and my cousins Merry and Pippin too." He thought getting a smile on his face as the memories came flooding back to him, then realized that he was talking Tolkienes (as the cast had called it) again, then hit himself on the forehead and thought, "Get over it Lij! Your no longer Frodo Baggins who lives on Middle-Earth with his companions and goes on adventures! Snap out of it!" He said, then went back to his Fellowship filled dreams.  
  
When he had woken the next morning, he found himself in a smial, the one where they had shot the movie infact. "I must be dreaming still." He said looking around. "I wonder if the others will appear in my dream." He thought hopefully. Just as he thought that, Sam came walking in the room.  
  
"Good! Your up Mr. Frodo! Breakfast is on the table for you, I'm going to head out and start the work for today if all is well here." Sam said, then headed towards the door.  
  
"What are you talking about Sean?" Elijah called after him  
  
"Pardon me sir? Did you just call me Sean? Are you felling alright Mr. Frodo?"  
  
"Why are you talking like that? What's going on? Are we filming right now? Where's the crew?"  
  
"Film?…Crew?…these are new words to me, please explain."  
  
"Come on Sean! Stop playing around!" He said getting out of bed, then seeing his feet (which were big and hairy) screamed. "AHHHHHHH!!!! When did wardrobe do this? I don't remember the usual two and a half hour time span of cold glue being applied to my feet."  
  
"Beg your pardon sir? Wardrobe? Please explain these new words for me." Sam said, genuinely confused.  
  
"You can't be serious?!" Elijah shouted. "Ya know, what we went through for almost a year?"  
  
"We've been alive more than a year sir, and this is all we've done our whole lives."  
  
"Wait, who am I? And who are you?"  
  
"That's easy! Finally! A question I can answer. You're Frodo Baggins, and I sir, am your faithful servant and gardener Samwise Gamgee."  
  
At this news, Elijah felt as though he had been punched in the stomach and fainted. 


	2. Spanglish

First of all, thanx for the reviews! And I'm sorry for it being so short, but I ran out of time, but this chapter is a little bit longer (I hope). So, here it goes, chapter two!  
  
When Elijah came to again, he saw Merry and Pippin standing over him, talking.  
  
"Ay! Pip! He's wakin' up!" Merry shouted, even though Pippin was only a coupe of inches away.  
  
"I have eyes too ya know! Stop actin' like your better than me!" Pippin said in response.  
  
"Come on Pip! I didn't mean it in that way! Let's not have a fight in front of Frodo, okay?"  
  
"Is that all you care about? Looking good in frond of Frodo? Do you even care about our relationship anymore?"  
  
"Of course I do! But this isn't the time nor the place to discuss it."  
  
Elijah started to think they were in a serious relationship, and thought this was disgusting, seeing as how they were his cousins (though Merry and Pippin were not related to each other, only through Frodo).  
  
"What's going on?" Elijah asked sitting up.  
  
"Nothin', ya fainted and Sam called us cuz he was worried, the silly gitt." Pippin told him.  
  
"Where is Sean…I mean Sam anyway?" Elijah said.  
  
"He's gone to prepare some soup for ya I think. Should be back in a minuet."  
  
Just then Sam walked in carrying a tray of food, which contained a bowl of soup, a bowl of mushrooms, two biscuits, three apples, a cup of tea, and a small case with a carnation in it.  
  
"Are you feeling better Mr. Frodo? I brought you your Elevensies." He said placing the tray on Elijah's legs.  
  
"Yeah, a little light headed, but I should be fine."  
  
"I'm so glad to hear it!"  
  
"Ok, tell me strait out ya'll, what's goin' on here?" Elijah said.  
  
"What do you mean?" Merry asked cocking his head to one side.  
  
"Merry, Pippin, are you guys in a relationship?" He said not being able to hold the urge back any longer.  
  
"Yes, you know that. And you and Sam here have one too, don't you remember?" Pippin asked looking at him funny.  
  
"Woah! Sam and I? In a relationship? What about Rosie?"  
  
"Who's Rosie? You're the only one I love Mr. Frodo, you know that." Sam said, starting to blush a little.  
  
"Ay! Did you lose your memory when ya fell or something?" Merry asked  
  
"I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean to forget, it's just…I guess I did hit my head pretty hard."  
  
"It's ok sir, I understand…sortta."  
  
"Oh Sam, please forgive me! I didn't mean to forget, hones. I would never forget that on purpose." Elijah said pleadingly. He secretly always wanted this to happen, and now that it was, he didn't want to ruin it.  
  
"Oh no! I know you wouldn't! I forgive you!" Then Sam went over and hugged Elijah.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt here, but I need it speak to you guys." The four hobbits turned around to see Gandalf the Grey standing in the doorway.  
  
"Gandalf!" Elijah shouted with Sam's arm around him  
  
"Am I interrupting anything?" Gandalf asked with a grin on his face.  
  
"Nothin' that can't be picked up later." Merry laughed  
  
"Why are you laughing? And why don't we have a relationship like that?" Pippin whined, but no one seemed to hear him.  
  
"I'm glad. I hope you don't mind, but I brought Theoden with me." They then saw Theoden step into the doorway with Gandalf like a little girl.  
  
"Who's Theoden? I've never heard of him before." Pippin stated  
  
"He's the king of Rohan you gitt!" Gandalf shouted  
  
"Oh! Movin' on up are ya Gandalf? Last time we saw ya you were seeing that ranger, what was his name again? Oh yes! Aragorn I reckon it was." Merry said  
  
"Shh! You silly hobbit! Don't speak that name in front of me."  
  
"Sorry Gandalf sir."  
  
"Didn't you say you had something to tell us?" Sam finally spoke up.  
  
"Oh yes, that. Thank you for reminding me Gamgee," He said winking at him. "Frodo, you must take this evil ring to Mount Doom and throw it in the fire so the Dark Lord can't get it." He then tossed the ring to him.  
  
Now, Elijah had been though this befoe, making the movie and all, and was not impressed with the way Gandalf presented the task to him.  
  
"Hey Gandalf!" Elijah yelled to him. "Ya wanna see something cool?"  
  
"Sure my lad!"  
  
Elijah then threw the ring into the fireplace. When Gandalf saw this, he started to curse at him, so Elijah went and took it out.  
  
"Here, now look at the sides."  
  
Gandalf looked and was amazed to now see writing on it, then gasped in wonder. "How'd you know it would do that?!" He yelled.  
  
"Your could say I had a premonition of it." Elijah stated sneakily.  
  
"Wow! That sure was a neat trick Mr. Frodo! What does it say?" Sam asked  
  
"Gandalf, can I see the ring please? I want to see if I can translate it."  
  
"Whatever! Here ya go!" Tossing the ring again  
  
When Elijah looked at it, he was surprised to find that it wasn't the same writing.  
  
"What the hell?" Elijah shouted out loud. "This isn't right! It's supposed to be in Elvish, not Spanglish!"  
  
"What's Spanglish?" Merry asked  
  
"Spanglish is a mix between Spanish and English. You guys have never heard of Spanglish before?" Elijah asked in surprise.  
  
"No, can you read it?" Gandalf asked  
  
"Yeah, it's real easy! Here, this is what it says on the ring: Uno ringo to- o ruleo themo allo, uno ringo to-o findo themo, uno ringo to-o bringo themo allo ando ino theo darknesso bindo themo. Ino theo lando ofo Mordoro whereo theo shadowso lieo."  
  
"Whoa! What does it translate into?" Pippin asked, "How'd you learn it? It seems hard!"  
  
"It translates into: One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie." Elijah said  
  
"Dude! That can't be good!" Gandalf said, hugging Theoden from behind  
  
"No, Gandalf, not really, it basically means that if the dark lord gets this ring, he will bring about the end of Middle-Earth." Elijah finally spoke up, slightly annoyed at the way this was going.  
  
"Ok then…guess we should start heading toward Rivendale now. Merry, Pippin and Sam will have to come now too since they heard everything." Gandalf announced, then turned to see Merry and Pippin were making out in the corner. "Ahem, I said, since you other three hobbits have heard everything, your gonna have to come too!" He said slightly louder and slower.  
  
"Ay! Adventure? When do we leave?" Merry asked  
  
"Go pack and rush back here, we will leave as soon as everyone is back."  
  
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Yay! Slightly longer! Please respond! Thanx bunches!  
  
*Mel* 


	3. And they're off!

A/N: Thanx again for the reviews you guys!!! New Chapter!! It's longer too! Woo Hoo! Go me!  
  
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It was 20 minuets later and everyone was ready to go, all except Merry and Pippin who hadn't returned yet. They waited 7 more minuets when they finally arrived.  
  
"Sorry we're late! Pippin couldn't decide on which dresses to bring." Merry announced  
  
"They're all so pretty! It was a hard decision!!" Pippin shouted in retort  
  
So with that, Gandalf, Theoden, Elijah, Sam, Merry and Pippin set out towards the forest.  
  
"Alright, I'm gonna separate from you guys now. I'm needed in some other place or something like that, come on Theoden." So Gandalf and Theoden walked off hand in hand.  
  
"Oh that was nice! Are we supposed to meet you somewhere later on Gandalf?!" Elijah yelled after him  
  
"Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Meet me in The Prancing Pony in Bree, ok?"  
  
"Sure, got it!" Sam answered while writing it down.  
  
The four hobbits started to walk on the road. They were singing a happy tune that went like this: (To the melody of Pop Goes The Weasel) X equals opposite B, Plus or minus the square root, Of B squared minus 4ac, All over 2a. After awhile they thought they heard a horse coming towards them.  
  
"Oh my! What is that Mr. Frodo?" Sam squeaked, then ran behind him.  
  
"It's a horse, get off the road!" Elijah shouted to the others  
  
The other three wouldn't move for they were too scared to, so Elijah had to drag them to the tree, and only got Merry behind just in time to hide himself, before the black rider came. Actually, it was a Pink Rider (Also known as a Ring wraith) because he was dressed all in pink, and had a unicorn instead of a dead horse.  
  
'Oh, my god! What's going on here?!' Elijah thought to himself. 'This is so messed up!' Then he realized that Sam was trying to un button his shirt said, "Not now Sam!"  
  
"But Merry and Pippin think it's the right time, see?" Sam said, then pointed towards them.  
  
"EWWWWW!!! My eyes! My poor beautiful eyes! My whole carrier depends on these!" Elijah shouted, and Sam simply stared at him in wonder.  
  
The Pink Rider (hereby known as PR or RW) heard the screams, dismounted his unicorn and made his way behind the tree.  
  
"Hello there! Sorry to bother you, but have you seen anyone come through here possessing a very beautiful ring?" The PR asked them politely  
  
"Actually…" Sam started to say, but was stopped by Elijah who put his hand over his mouth.  
  
"Nope! Can't say we have, sorry!" Elijah answered  
  
"That's quite alright, but if you do spot the ring, could you call this number please? Here's my card."  
  
"Sure thing! Sorry again." Elijah said, keeping his hand over Sam's mouth  
  
"Alright, thank you for your time."  
  
After the PR left, Elijah removed his hand and looked at the card that had been handed to him, it said:  
  
1 Pink Rider #7 out of 9  
  
Work for: Lord Sauron  
  
You can reach me at this number: 1-693-776-1089  
  
"OMG! This is so fricked up!" He whispered to himself.  
  
"Is it a good time yet?" Sam asked, referring to the button incident before the PR had arrived.  
  
"No, when we get to Bree, I promise, but now we have to go." Elijah responded, "Come on Merry! Pip! We have to get on our way! Get dressed!"  
  
So the hobbits set out on the road again, trying to get to Bree. It took them longer than the half hour that they had thought. After two hours on the road, they finally arrived at Bree in the night.  
  
"Who goes there?" The gate keeper guy asked.  
  
"We are just four helpless beings who are off the see the wizard for some courage, a heart, and a brain!" Pippin said, then started laughing and wouldn't stop until Elijah smacked him.  
  
"No, our names are not important, we wish to go to The Prancing Pony. Our business is our own." Elijah answered  
  
"Ok, I see, come on in. Weird folk about ya know." He said, all of a sudden looking quite insane.  
  
"Uh…Thanks?" Elijah offered.  
  
They made their way over to the building, went inside and had a jolly good time. After about two hours of sitting, drinking, and laughing, Sam finally turned to Elijah.  
  
"Mr. Frodo? There's a man looking at you. Do you want me to kill him for you? Cuz I will."  
  
"Oh him? No, we need him Seam! Remember?"  
  
"Did you call me Seam again? Who is that? Are you cheating on me?! Fine! If that's the way it's gonna be! I never loved you anyway! Goodbye!" Sam shouted, then started to get up, but fell, causing a big commotion in the bar. Next thing the hobbits knew, they were being pulled into a room by the man that had been eyeing Elijah.  
  
"You stupid hobbits! Drawing attention to yourselves like that! Gandalf would be pissed!" The stranger said.  
  
"Who are you? And how do you know Gandalf? Wait! Your Aragorn aren't you?" Pippin shouted cuz he was quite drunk.  
  
"Yes I am. Has Gandalf talked about me since the break up?" He asked hopefully  
  
"No, he doesn't want us saying your name in front of him actually." Pippin recalled  
  
"Oh, tell me, what does Theoden have that I don't huh? I'm much younger than him, and I have more energy!…" He continued on like this for awhile.  
  
"Ahem! What exactly did you bring us in here for? We have a perfectly good room." Merry said, then seeing only one bed in the room added, "With four separate beds."  
  
"Yeah! And were is Gandalf?" Sam asked  
  
"You mean he didn't tell you? Come on! Do I have to do everything?" Aragorn shouted, throwing his hand in the air. "He got caught up somewhere, so sent me to meet you here, then take you to Rivendale."  
  
"Ok…that didn't make any sense to me, but alrighty! Can we sleep first?" Sam said.  
  
"Yes. You four will share this bed, and I will not sleep, but stay awake all night sitting in a chair looking out the window."  
  
"Why can't we go back to our room?" Merry asked suspiciously.  
  
"Because the Pink Riders are gonna try to kill you in your sleep alright? Mow go to bed!"  
  
"Works for me!" They said at once, then hopped in the bed.  
  
It was still dark out when they were awoken by Aragorn.  
  
"Come on, we need to get a quick breakfast, then head out for Rivendale."  
  
After much struggle, they finally forced themselves up to eat, then head out.  
  
"Ok, we must hurry, Gandalf might be waiting for us at Weathertop, and he can not stay there for too long, for the PR's are out searching for him."  
  
"And Theoden too, right?" Pippin asked  
  
"What?! Why would they be looking for him?"  
  
"Because Gandalf brought him with him when he left us."  
  
"Damn it! If I knew I could bring someone along, I would've brought Boromir with me, good thing I told him to meet me at Rivendale!"  
  
"Sir, you've been awfully quiet since yesterday, is anything wrong? Listen, if it's about what I said about leaving you, I would never." Sam said to Elijah  
  
"I know you wouldn't Sam, it's just, I'm tired I guess."  
  
So the five of them walked for a while, oh, let's just say it was 3 days shall we? They finally reached Weathertop and found a note left behind by Gandalf. It read: 'Dear Ringbearer, friends, and Strider, we waited here for 2 days, that is all we could manage. Meet us in Rivendale as soon as possible. Much love, Gandalf and Theoden.  
  
"Are we gonna leave right away?" Merry asked, shocked  
  
"No, we will stay here tonight, which is stupid, considering what is going to happen to me if we do." Elijah stated  
  
"What? How did you know we would stay? And what do you mean 'Considering what is going to happen to me if we do'? What do you know?" Aragorn exclaimed.  
  
"I know enough Aragorn, son of Arathorn, enough." Elijah said sortta spacing out and stuff like that.  
  
"Dude, you are one weird hobbit Frodo Baggins! But whatever! Let's set up camp!"  
  
"Can we eat now? Can we eat now? Can we eat now?" Pippin asked  
  
"NO! That reminds me, here are your swords, keep them close at all rimes."  
  
"How did me asking if we could ea remind you of swords?"  
  
"Simple, I hate repetition and wanted to kill you." Strider stated as though it was nothing.  
  
It was late, and Elijah was up, thinking. 'Why won't they sleep?' he asked to himself, referring to the other hobbits. 'I know what's gonna happen. I could prevent it by not letting them start a fire, there for the Black…I mean Pink Riders wouldn't be able to find us. But should I interfere with fate?'  
  
"Sir, sir?" Sam shook Elijah from his thoughts  
  
"What is it Sam?"  
  
"You should sleep, I'll keep watch over you to make sure that nothing happens."  
  
"Alright Sam, I could use it, thank you." Elijah said making up his mind to go with the way it was meant to be and not interfere, then leaned in and kissed Sam before lying down. He couldn't sleep because of the anticipation of what would be happening later, being stabbed and all. But little did he know, something else would happen that night. It was about midnight when Sam came over and woke him up.  
  
"Frodo? Are you asleep?"  
  
"No, I can't sleep. How are you doing?" He answered smiling up at Sam  
  
"Fine, Merry and Pippin are asleep, and I was thinking…uh…well, we never did what we meant to do in Bree." Sam said, turning red, though Elijah couldn't tell because it was so dark.  
  
"That's true Sam, we didn't, how 'bout making up for it now?" Elijah asked rising up onto his elbows.  
  
"That's what I was hoping sir."  
  
Well, you can guess what happened, right? Anyway, so at about 3 in the morning the Ringwraiths (or PR's) came to Weathertop as Elijah had feared.  
  
"Do we have to wake them?" RW #3 asked  
  
"Yes, I know they look so peaceful, but we're supposed to be evil, remember?" RW #1 replied  
  
"We are? I don't want to be evil though!" The fourth whined  
  
Elijah heard them talking and jumped up, screaming and waking the others.  
  
"Good! Your up! What are we supposed to do now?"  
  
"Kill them you fools!" RW #1 yelled  
  
"Kill? But I might break a nail! And the hobbits are just so darn cute! Can we keep um?" The 8th pleaded  
  
"No! so I have to do this alone? Uh…"The 1st said then headed towards Elijah grabbing his sword. "Come here Frodo! I won't hut you, I promise!"  
  
Elijah backed into a corner, and the RW stabbed him with the sword, then gathered the others and left.  
  
"AHHHHH!!! Why didn't any of you help me?! For the love of Samwise!! Come on! I thought you guys would at least TRY to protect me! I do have the One Ring ya know!" Elijah yelled at them.  
  
"I'm so sorry Mr. Frodo!" Sam was sobbing  
  
Just then, Strider came back with wood in his arms to start a fire with. When he saw Elijah on the ground and the others around him, he dropped it and ran over to them.  
  
"You silly gitts! What did you let happen here?!"  
  
"The PR's came and stabbed Frodo with this." Pippin stammered holding up the extremely beautiful sword.  
  
"Don't touch that! Frodo, how are you doing?"  
  
"It doesn't hurt as much as it did before, and I'm having totally different effects too!" Elijah stated, then starting to stand up, added, "I fell fine actually. This is so messed up! My god!"  
  
"Are you referring to your premonitions again sir?" Sam asked  
  
"What? oh, yes, that's what I called it didn't I? Yes Sam, that's what I'm referring to. Now Strider, what is going to happen to me after being stabbed?"  
  
"Well, you got stabbed with the Fairy Blade I'm afraid."  
  
"What?! I'm gonna turn into a fairy?!"  
  
"Yes, unless we get you to Rivendale in time, come, we must leave now."  
  
"Wait, what will my symptoms be exactly?"  
  
"Well, the affects vary, but usually the victim first becomes hyper and just all together insane, then they start to get a white glow around them, and the last thing is the growing of the wings."  
  
"WINGS?!?! NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! I don't want wings! Let's head off right now, and run all the way there! Come on Sam, let's go!  
  
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Yay! I finally got it up! Many apologize to Ash and AJ for telling them that I was gonna put it up so many days, then not! I was gonna do this yesterday I swear to god, but I had felt like shit all day, so when I got home I fell asleep. I really hate sick sleeps, you know what I'm talking about…ya know, those ones where your asleep for like a half hour, then you wake up for like 2 minuets, then repeat. Uhhhh!!! So annoying! Anyway! Oh, bye the way, that song that they sang on the road, you know, X equals opposite B…and so on, that's the quadratic formula! Just incase your wondering! Anyway, enough talk! Hopefully I'll get the new chapter up soon, and I also hope I'm going to see Star Wars tonight!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!! Hayden is sooooo hot! And I heard Yoda is a really good fighter too! Lol! Anyway. Please review, and I'm so sorry for the delay! And for any spelling errors, my family didn't allow me the proper amount of time to transfer it! Sorry! 


	4. Spork!!!!

A/N: I'm so sorry to everyone I'm giving bad mental pictures to! I don't think it gets much better. Anyway, I apologize to Lara for not apologizing to her along with AJ and Ash! Happy now?! Lol  
  
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So they packed up and left as soon as possible. It only took them about two days to get there. At about the middle of the first day, the effects of the sword started to take place, to the annoyance and pleasure of the others.  
  
They had been walking in silence for about three leagues when Elijah started laughing hysterically.  
  
"Hahahahahahaha!!!!! SPORK!!" Elijah shouted  
  
"What?! Spork did you say? What's that?" Aragorn asked  
  
"You've never heard of a spork before? What's wrong with you? Oh wait! Sporks probably haven't been invented here! Too bad! Their so much fun!" He shouted again because he was so hyper.  
  
"Is he gonna be like this the rest of the way there?" Pippin asked.  
  
"I'm afraid so, but it should be funny." Aragorn answered  
  
The group continued on their way like this, until they stopped for the night, with Elijah making sudden outbursts like; 'Beware the Red Sheep in the Coke cans!' and 'Watch out for the Purple Goats at the bottom of the pools!', at which the others would almost die laughing at.  
  
The second effect didn't happen until the next morning. They had just started on their way when Merry and Pippin, who were walking behind Elijah and Sam, could be heard laughing.  
  
"What's the matter with you two?" Aragorn asked turning around from the head of the line, then burst out laughing and had to stop.  
  
"I don't get it…OMG! Mr. Frodo! Hahaha!" Sam added, finally seeing Elijah.  
  
"What?! What is it? Are the sheep following us?" Elijah shouted, turning around.  
  
"No, it's not the sheep, your glowing!" Merry said, recovering a bit  
  
"What color?" Then looking down at his arm, saw a pale glow coming off of it, "AHHHH!!!!! IT'S PURPLE!!"  
  
The rest just simply fell to the ground and laughed, if possible, even harder at this.  
  
"Shut up! This isn't funny! The purple goats are gonna hunt me down and eat me in my sleep!" Then Proceeded to sit down on the ground and rock back and forth, whispering to himself, "Can't sleep…purple goats will eat me! Can't sleep…purple goats will eat me!"  
  
So anyway, as they were stopped because of their laughing fit, a fair maiden elf came riding up to them on a beautiful white horse.  
  
"Is one of you in trouble?" She asked  
  
"Uh, yeah! I'm glowing purple! Does that count?!"  
  
"Um, I guess it does, I had a feeling someone was in trouble, so thought I would come to see. Oh! I need to get you back to Rivendale right away! Your case is pretty far along. By the way, my name is Arwen.  
  
"You didn't really think someone was in trouble, did you?" Elijah questioned  
  
"Well, no, not really, I had been sitting in the house all day and needed to get out, but that's what I told my dad." Arwen responded, slightly ashamed, "But do you want help or not?!" Getting P/O  
  
"Yes! Let's go right now!" She then helped him up to her horse.  
  
"Should we help them?" She asked, gesturing to the four rolling on the ground laughing  
  
"No, indeed we should not!" He said, "They'll find their way there, now let's go before I grow wings!"  
  
So off they went, After two minuets, the Pink Riders came up behind them and followed them to the river, where Arwen went to the other side of it, then turned around and shouted, "What do you want?"  
  
"We have come to claim what is ours." RW #1 replied  
  
"What says that he's yours to take dumass?"  
  
"I stabbed him, that means I called him."  
  
"Come across the river and get him if you want him! Na na na na na!" She said sticking her tongue out at them  
  
So they did, and as soon as they reached the center of the river, Arwen started to say and Elven chant that caused them to drown, then continued on her way.  
  
When they arrived, Elijah was given a shot to put him to sleep. He awoke a couple days later to see Sam sleeping in a chair beside the bed.  
  
Just then Gandalf walked into the room with a cup of coffee.  
  
"Good morning!" He said to Elijah in a whisper as not to wake Sam.  
  
"Hello! It's good to see you again Gandalf! And Sam too!"  
  
"Indeed, I'm sure it is! Sam has been by your side the whole time."  
  
"I know. Am I cured? I'm not a fairy am I?"  
  
"No, they made you better, it was close though, you had started to grow purple wings." He said laughing  
  
"I would have been all purple?"  
  
"Yes, it really was a shame they saved you, you looked so good in purple."  
  
"You think so? Cuz I always thought dark greens were best on me."  
  
They continued talking for awhile when Sam finally woke up.  
  
"Sir! Your awake! Why didn't you wake me?" He said hugging Elijah  
  
"It's good to see you Sam!" He said  
  
"Ahem!" Gandalf cleared his throat  
  
"Oh! Hi Mr. Gandalf sir!" Sam stammered, blushing a little  
  
"You have no need to worry Gamgee, I made no passes on Frodo."  
  
"It's true, he didn't!" Elijah said happily.  
  
"Good! I'm glad, other wise I would have had to kill you!" Sam laughed  
  
After some more talking they finally headed out of the room together to go eat.  
  
"Frodo!" Merry and Pippin shouted, running up and hugging him.  
  
"Your awake!" Merry shouted  
  
"Damn it! Your not purple anymore! You looked so good in purple too!" Pippin said, disappointed. At that, Sam started to glare at him with hate, then said: "He looks good in every color! Except Puke Green." Sticking out his tongue in disgust  
  
"It's true Pip." Merry nodded in agreement.  
  
So the new group of five headed off towards the dinning hall when they met up with Aragorn and someone they had never met before.  
  
"Hello all! Good to see you awake Frodo!" Aragorn said, winking at him, which confused Elijah quite a bit.  
  
"Thank you Strider, it's good to be joined with such great company after a nice nape!"  
  
"Uh, Strider?" Sam spoke up  
  
"Yes Master Samwise?" He said turning to him and talking all formally and stuff.  
  
"Aren't you gonna introduce us to the man in which you are holding hands?" He said laughing a little, "Or are you just going to leave us in wonder of who has taken our place?"  
  
"Silly me! I'm sorry, I thought I had introduced you before! Well, I guess not…so I will now, guys, this is Boromir, son of Denethor, the lord of Gondor. Boromir, this is Frodo, his gardner Sam, and those two are Frodo's cousins, Meridoc or Merry as we call him, and Peregrin or Pippin, and you of course all ready know Gandalf the Gray." Aragorn said pointing to each in turn.  
  
"Aragorn? What are those four?" Boromir asked shyly  
  
"We are hobbits, or halflings, which ever you prefer, from the Shire!" Merry exclaimed  
  
"Sorry, I meant no disrespect." Boromir respondd, hiding behind Aragorn a little (kinda clear who is the "Male" of the relationship isn't it?), "What are your last names?"  
  
"I am Frodo Baggins of Bag-End, please don't mind my cousin, he isn't the brightest one of the family." Elijah said, then bowed to him  
  
"And I am Samwise Gamgee." He too bowed  
  
"I sir, am Meridoc Brandybuck of Buckland. I apologize for raising my voice at you sir." Bowing also  
  
"My turn?! Hi! I'm Peregrin Took of Bag-End sir! My mum's name is Eglantine Banks, she married my father Paladine II. A couple of years later they had my sister Pearl, then in 1379, my brother Pimpernel was born, next would be my sister Pervincia, then of course me, born in 1390…" Pippin continued on with enthusiasm about his family, "And that's how I'm related to Frodo and Merry here!" He finished, bowing low  
  
"Thank you…I think." Boromir stated  
  
"Well, should we go eat now?" Gandalf asked, clapping his hands together.  
  
"Yes, I think so, I'm starved!" Elijah said  
  
They went and ate, nothing big happened, but after the meal, a council was called. Everyone was there, even Sam, Merry, and Pippin who weren't invited hid in the corners so they could listen in.  
  
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Sorry, short again, I know. And sorry to tell you, but the next chapter is even shorter, but I swear chapter 6 has 7 pages, so that gives you something to look forward to I hope! Alright! Please review! 


	5. '____ is the only number that has the sa...

Alrighty-dighty, just a little info on me, Tigerlily Gamgee, I think finals suck major rabid green monkey butts! I hate them! On the plus side, no more Biology, Geography or Health for the rest of my high school carrier! Go me! Anyway, I'm done scaring you now, so you can read the new chapter! Lucky you! Right, did I mention that I'm incredibly sleep deprived? Sorry…what was I saying? Oh yeah! on with the story. Oh, and a little disclaimer: I don't own Nair.  
  
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"Alright, is everyone here?" Elrond asked the crowd, while everyone looked around  
  
"Um, sir?" A dwarf spoke up while raising his hand (so polite!)  
  
"Yes Gloin? What is it?"  
  
"Gandalf isn't here, and I think it's pretty important he hear this."  
  
"Oh, I guess he's not, is he? Where could he be? Not raiding my closet for dresses again I hope."  
  
After Elrond said that, the group heard "Ha! I told you so Merry!" come from one of the corners  
  
"Ok…I guess we'll just sit here and wait for Gandalf to show up." And wait they did, but only for four minuets, in which time Legolas the Elf, and Gimli the dwarf son of Gloin began their "friendship", when Gandalf finally arrived  
  
"Sorry I'm late, I couldn't pick an outfit. You like?" He asked twirling  
  
Everyone stopped and stared open mouthed at him, then Legolas finally broke the silence.  
  
Legolas, mocking the Nair commercial, said/sang, "Who wears short shorts?" In which Gimli sang in response (after that little music thingy) "Gandalf wears short shorts!" then everyone burst out laughing while Legolas and Gimli high fived each other.  
  
"What's so funny?!" Gandalf asked putting his hands on his hips  
  
"Nothing" Elrond said stifling a laugh. "Well, let's get on with the meeting thing shall we?"  
  
"Yes, we should!" Elijah shouted, which made everyone quickly shut up.  
  
"Thank you Frodo, oh yes, will you please put the ring on the shrunken pillar like thing here?" Elrond answered  
  
"Sure…here ya go dogg!" Putting it down  
  
"Dogg?" Elrond pondered for a moment, then went back to business, "Now, we need someone to take this pretty…I mean evil thing to Mordor and throw it into Mount Doom to destroy it."  
  
There was a long silence in which everyone either looked at the ring or around at the others.  
  
"I'll take it, though I do not know…oh screw it! I'll take it, but I need some of ya'll to come with me so I can find my way." Elijah finally said  
  
"How stupid…I mean brave of you Frodo." Gandalf said  
  
"I'll go with you, and take my bow." Legolas said standing up  
  
"And me with my axe." Gimli said  
  
"My sword." Aragorn stated  
  
"Oh! Aragorn's going? Sign me up for that!" Gandalf practically yelled  
  
"I too will go with my sword." Boromir answered reluctantly.  
  
All of a sudden the other hobbits came running out of "hiding", screaming, "Wait! We're going! We aren't gonna stay behind!"  
  
"Alright, that makes nine, perfect. You'll head off tomorrow morning at sunrise." Elrond answered them  
  
"Yes! Ya hear that Pip? We're goin' with!" Merry shouted  
  
"Great! Where are we going?"  
  
"Mount Doom! To distroy Frodo's ring with five others." Merry said slapping him on the back of the head.  
  
"Oh, do we have to?"  
  
"You were the one who volunteered, fool of a Took!" Gandalf said  
  
As Elijah, Sam, Merry and Pippin were heading back to the room where Elijah had stayed, they ran into Bilbo who was sitting on a bench filling out the crossword puzzle of the newspaper and talking to himself. "____ is the only number with the same amount of letters as it's name. What sort of dumb question is that?! Nobody knows that!" Bilbo said  
  
"It's four Uncle." Elijah said laughing  
  
"Frodo my boy! You're up! How'd you know that? Not even I knew it." He said in wonder, getting up and hugging him.  
  
"What other sort of questions were there?" Sam asked  
  
"Oh, easy ones like, name the two youngest dwarfs that went along with the famous hobbit burglar Bilbo Baggins."  
  
There was silence from the younger hobbits  
  
"You mean you don't know? It was Fili and Kili of course!" Bilbo said, shocked  
  
"You never mentioned Fili and Kili in your stories." Sam retorted  
  
"I didn't? Oh well, now you know." Bilbo said sitting down again  
  
"So what are you guys up to today, or what's left of it?"  
  
"Nothin' much Bilbo, just talk, eat, then sleep so we're ready for tomorrow." Merry answered him  
  
"Uncle Bilbo? Are you drunk?" Elijah asked  
  
"Of course I'm ::hick:: not! You silly goose! ::hick:: now Merry, what did you mean 'So we're ready for ::hick:: tomorrow'?"  
  
"You don't know?! You're Bilbo Baggins, the great thief who went on that awesome adventure, and you can't tell when another is happening? I thing Frodo's right, you are drunk!" Merry shouted  
  
"For the love of evil orange frogs! I'm not drunk! ::hick hick:: So you're going on an adventure, eh? All four of ya? ::hick::" Bilbo said, starting to slur his words  
  
"Yes, all four of us, and five others." Sam responded  
  
"Who exactly ::hick:: are the other five?"  
  
"Aragorn, Boromir, Gandalf, some Elf and some Dwarf, we don't know their names yet."  
  
"The Elf's name is Legolas, and the dwarf is Gimli." Elijah said  
  
"Oh. Those five, and you four are all going on the same adventure?" Bilbo asked, afraid of the answer.  
  
"Yup! Aren't you proud of us?!" Pippin said perkily  
  
"Oh my, this is not good, oh my rabid green monkey's, not good at all."  
  
"What do you mean? You aren't proud of us?" Pippin asked with his lower lip protruding.  
  
"Of course I'm not! The mix of people that is being sent is not good! We're doomed!"  
  
"Love you too Uncle Bilbo!" Elijah said sarcastically  
  
"Oh my! ::hick:: not good!" he said, then ran off  
  
"That was nice!" Pippin said happily  
  
"Well, to the room then?" Sam asked  
  
"Yes, to the room, to talk before dinner." Elijah answered  
  
They headed off towards the room again, and actually made it! They talked till dinner like they had said, then ate and went to bed.  
  
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Short, I know. I'm sorry, please don't kill me! Lol! Anyway, I swear to Samwise and KH that the next chapter is 7 pages in my written handwriting, but of course I do write kinda big and messy, but you don't want to know about that. Yeah, so please stay tuned for the 6th chapter, and also please review! Thanx bunches! Bye-D-Bye!  
  
~Mel~ aka-Tigerlily Gamgee 


	6. Want me to kill them for you? Cuz i will

Disclaimer~I don't really own the little phrase I will use quite often in this chapter, which is 'You want me to kill them for you? Cuz I will.' I got the basic line from Two of a Kind, that old Mary Kate and Ashley show. Mary Kate said 'You want to break something? If you do, I won't tell dad. ::Ashley says no:: Then do you want me to break something for you? Cuz I will'. Sorry, I've seen every episode a million and one times. Just so you know. A/N: Sorry for making you guys wait so long for an update, but I was lazy when I had the chance to update, but now since you can't post or what not, I decided to just type it up so I could update as soon as I get back. I'm going/went on "vacation" to go see my dad in Iowa, the lovely next-door state where I was born. Like you care, but it's early and I couldn't fall back asleep, so.here's your (hopefully) long awaited chapter~ //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// It was around four in the morning when Elijah was being shaken awake by Arwen. "Come on sleepy head, you have to get ready." She said as soon as he opened his eyes a bit. "What the frick? What time is it?" he asked though a yawn "You said a bad word! That isn't nice!" Arwen said, all of a sudden sounding five years old "It's your fault! You woke me up so early! What time is it?" "It's four, and I got you up because daddy told me too!" "Fine, is breakfast ready?" "Yes, it's ready evil hobbit man." Arwen sad then walked out Elijah got dressed then headed towards the dinning hall thing. When h got there, he found everyone already seated and waiting for their breakfast. "Good morning." Elijah said through another yawn. "I see she lied." "About what?" Merry questioned "She told me breakfast was ready." "Oh, she told me that too. Yup! She lied, it'll be about them minuets now." Just then Arwen came out of the kitchen eating some bacon (does anyone else realize people just appear whenever someone's talking about them?) "Morning fellas! And evil hobbit man." Arwen gave Elijah the look of death "Morning spawn of Satan." Elijah said cheerfully, "You lied to me I see." "When? I don't recall." Sounding five again "You told me breakfast was ready, but it's not." "Oh no, I didn't lie, it's ready they just haven't put it out yet!" "I wonder why they're waiting" Sam said "Because she told them to wait, right?" Elijah accused "Yup! That's right! It tastes so much better cold though, trust me." She then walked out cackling madly "Thank god we're leaving her here! I don't think I could stand being with her." Elijah said "You want me to kill her for you? Cuz I will." Sam said hopefully "No, that's alright Sam, you'll have your time to kill, but it's not now." Then the food was brought out and they ate and talked merrily. After breakfast they went to go pack, but Elijah was called to Bilbo's room. "Morning Frodo." Said Bilbo "Good morning Uncle Bilbo." "You're leaving this morning right?" "Sure am!" "Come over here, I want to give you some things for your adventure." "Really? What sorta stuff?" "First of all, you get Sting and my coat of mail. I used both in ~my~ adventure ya know. And don't worry, I washed the mail, so it's clean." "Good! That's important. Is there more?" "Yes there is. These next two are more valuable than the first two." "What are they Uncle?" Bilbo then reached under his bed and pulled out a box. He took two wooden whistles out, they both were different colors, and both had writing on them. "Uncle, those are whistles, how are whistles gonna help me?" He said uncertainly "You see this orange one that says frogs on it?" "Yes" "If you blow into this whistle, the army of evil orange frogs will come to your aid." "Are you serious?!" Elijah shouted, angered by this "And what of the green one?" he added reluctantly "You see how it says monkey's?. "NO! Evil green monkey's are gonna come if I blow it?" "Almost, they aren't evil, they are ~rabid~ green monkey's, there is a difference!" "Where would you even get something like that?" "The dwarfs gave them to me when we parted." "So, let me get this straight, you're giving me an arm of evil orange frogs and an army of rabid green monkey's? Is that right?" "Yes, plus Sting and the mail coat, can't forget those! Now go get ready! I hope my gifts help." "Thank you Uncle Bilbo, I think." Elijah said, then left and went back to his own room. When he walked in, Elijah was surprised to see Sam sitting on his bead. "There you are! What did Bilbo want?" Sam asked him "Nothing, he just wanted to give me some parting gifts. I need to pack now." "I already packed for you. So what did he give you?" Sam asked, pleased with himself "He gave me his sword, Sting, that's all." "That's it? What a cheap bastard! Want me to kill him for you? Cuz I will." "No! no killing anyone of the Fellowship or their friends, ok? Do you understand young man?" "Yes sir, I see." He answered, lowering his head "Good, now let's go see if everyone else is ready." "Alright." Sam answered reluctantly They walked out to find Merry and Pippin walking out of their room at the same time "'Ello!" Merry waved to them "Is it time to leave yet?" Sam asked "Nope! Not yet sweetie! About 10 minutes." Arwen's voice came from down the hall "Oh god! Not *you* again!" Elijah said "Yes, me! Aren't you happy evil hobbit man?" she said, then took a drink from the glass in her hand "No!" "Good! Then I'm doing a good job!" "So, ten minutes huh? You're not lying again are you?" Pippin questioned "Me?! Lie?! Of course not! How dare you!" she answered, then threw her drink on him, "Oops! My bad!" "My new dress! Uh! I've got to change again! Thanks a lot!" Then stormed out "Nice going! Now he's gonna be grumpy all day!" Merry said "It was an accident! It couldn't have been prevented!" Arwen retorted "So Arwen, what exactly *is* it like being the spawn of Satan?" Lij asked "I'm not the spawn of Satan! I'm just opinionated!" "Sure, that's what they all say." "Uh! I don't have to stand here and take this from you ya know!" "I know, you could walk away whenever you wanted." "Exactly!" "Then why are you still here?" "Because I wanted to ask you something, but I'll leave you alone I guess." She said, suddenly looking sad and pathetic like "Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead. You can ask me anything." "Really? Can I ask you *two* questions?" She asked hopefully "Uh.sure. Shoot." "First one: Are you gay? Cuz if you're not, there's still 6 minutes before you go." "Yes! I'm gay! My partner Sam would kill you. I think he wants to right now actually." Elijah said, looking over at the furious Sam, then added, "Remember what I said in the room Sam." "Are you sure you can't make an exception?" Sam asked, fists clenched and face turning red "Well.no! No matter how annoying she is!" "I can hear you ya know!" Arwen said "Yeah yeah. Next question?" "Oh, yeah, that one! Can I please come with you on your adventure? Please?" "No! Guys only!" Sam said "Then why are you and Pippin going?" "That's it!" Sam shouted, then ran towards her At this site, Arwen started to say and Elven chant, and a bunch of foam blocks came falling to the floor, hitting Sam who was stopped in his tracks. After he recovered, he started saying nonsense stuff. "One more out burst or anything like what just happened, I'll make it so your outsides are in and your insides are out! And pain! Lots of pain!" Sam screamed "Ohhhh! I'm shaking" Arwen teased "Are you positive Mr. Frodo?!" Sam pleaded turning to Elijah "Well, let me think about this." Elijah said, "Well, I'm not sure. There **would** be a lot of good that could come out of it." he pondered "She ruined Pip's dress, and she keeps calling you evil and talking like a five year old." Merry said "True, that's all true." Elijah said while deep in thought, then finally decided, "Ok, sure, go ahead Sam, you have my blessing to kill her." Then turning saw that neither Sam nor Arwen were in the hall anymore. A second later the two heard a high-pitched scream and a mad cackling, but they couldn't decipher which sound came from who. Their questions were answered when Sam returned, spork in hand. "I feel so much better now!" Sam said with a grin "You didn't even wait for my answer." Elijah said "I knew you'd agree, so I figured not to delay any longer, I'm sorry if I was wrong." "No, you assumed right. Wait! What's in your hand?! It's a spork! I thought you said you didn't know what a spork was?" Elijah exclaimed "Oh this? This is what you meant? I guess I'm just not use to it being refered to like that. Where'd you learn that word for it?" "What do you usually call it then?" "A Shamopilator of course!" "A Sha.Sha.Shawhatchamacallit?" Elijah asked "Sha-Mop-il-at-or" Merry said slowly ~A/N: It's actually pronounced like this: Shi-mop-ill-ate-er, ok? ( and I'll explain what it is at the end. Back to the story! Sorry, shhhhh!!~ "Whatsever! You killed her with the Shamopilator? How?" Elijah questioned "Yeah, they're very sturdy!" Sam said "No they're not! How is plastic sturdy enough to kill someone?! You make no sense at all!" Elijah was yelling now "Plastic? My Shamopilator is metal. You're scaring me sir." "Metal did you say? Does a metal spork even exist." "Yes, but I have the only one. Its proper name is the Super Special First Metal Shamopilator of the World to be exact." Sam said proudly "OMG!" Elijah said slapping his forehead "Should we be continuing?" Merry asked "We should wait for Pippin." Sam answered Just then Pippin came walking out of the room (wouldn't want to ruin tradition) wearing a cheerleading outfit and looking all perky (AHHHH!! Perkiness! Can't cope!) "Sorry, couldn't pick an outfit, did I miss anything?" "Nope, nothing at all. Let's continue shall we?" Elijah said "Ok! Sounds good to me!" Pippin responded Needless to say, they got on their way alright. They left about a half hour after Arwen's death. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Hey! Sorry for the long delay! As most of you know, I was in Iowa for 7 weeks! And I got back yesterday!! GO ME! So yeah.feel special! Ok, I told you that I'd tell you what a Shamopilator was at the end of the chapter, right? So here it is: Shamopilator~ A power generated fan. Heehee, I know, nothing like a Spork, which is a handy/useless utensil. Oh, also, I don't own that line~ "I'll make it so your outsides are in and your insides are out. And pain! Lots of pain!" that's from A Knights Tale. Next chapter should be up soon. Bye-D-Bye! ~Peace, Love and LOTR fruitsnacky goodness!~ **Mel** 


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